I know, semantically this may not make sense...but roll with me on this, my mind's been spinnin' for the last week trying to make some sense of this emotional roller coaster I/we have been on since we were blessed to parent these beautiful kids.

I've been trying to make sense of this powerfully painful gut reaction which takes place every time I take the kids to their bi-weekly visits with bio-mom. The ride I've been taking in my head has brought me to the conclusion that it is a synonymous reaction to my natural monogamous instincts. Everyday I pour my love out on these kids, and twice a week I have to release them to their bio-mom for two hours where she pours out her love on them, as well.

The connection I'm making is imagining what it would feel like if Deb had been married before and, for some reason, twice a week I drove her to visit her previous husband for two hours to allow him to lavish her with his love. I imagine that, in this twisted scenario, the objective of the court was to reunify Deb's previous marriage, but riding out the possibility that, if the previous husband doesn't clean up some aspect of his life, that I "could" get to stay married to Debbie. If not, I simply have to let go of whatever love we shared as a memory.

Every visit with bio-mom (that she shows up for) it is obvious that the kids adore her and she adores the kids. The problem in this scenario, unlike other foster care scenarios, is that we are NOT dealing with a relationally abusive situation in regards to the relationship between the mother and children. The problems lie with the mother in other areas of her life. Once these are taken care of, we suspect she would be a terrific mother. Of course, if she doesn't take care of these problems, we could be awarded full parenthood status of these kids. So, on the one hand, we're praying for mom to get her life together. On the other hand, we're attempting to love these children with all the love we can to ensure if things go wrong on mother's side, the kids know they've got a safe, secure, loving home with loving parents waiting for them.

Fortunately, next week we have our first support group sponsored by OliveCrest to help us address some of these feelings, emotions, and realities of foster care parenting. I have NO idea what stories and analogies we may hear at this support group, but I suspect there will be a lots of perspectives on these feelings I'm having and how I might face them.

Thanks ahead of time for your prayers as we continue to love and care for these kids and each other through this process. �