“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6-7

UPDATE: Mon-5-May-2008

Monday - Deb/TSC & Sean/University of Phoenix "Cinco De Mayo!"
Tuesday - Deb/TSC & Sean/Hospice/University of Phoenix & Bible Study
Wednesday - Deb/TSC & Sean/University of Phoenix
Thursday - Deb/TSC & Sean/University of Phoenix
Friday - Deb/TSC & Sean/University of Phoenix (SEAN'S BIRTHDAY!)
Saturday - Sean/Hospice...Birthday getaway!
Sunday - Birthday Getaway continued!

Prayers Needed....
This week... 

• That we figure out how to schedule all the activities in our lives...again!
  
• That the kids would continue to find joy and peace as the future unfolds with or without us
  
• That we are able to continue to find joy in the moment as we prepare for the future
  
• That our lives would be a blessing to those serve and work with in business and service
  

Had dinner with some old friends this weekend! They were in a small group of our's about eight or nine years ago, then moved to Alaska. Now they're living in the boondocks of Montana, and he's serving as a pastor for a very rural community church. They love it there...small community feel where everyone knows everyone and there's plenty of room for their kids to enjoy the wide open space with freedom and safety.

One of the fascinating things that crossed our conversation was our pastor friend's observations regarding his questionable security within the position he holds. He noted that it is a struggle to accept that his ability to retain his family's livelihood, home, and income as the breadwinner depends solely on whether the elders and congregation continue to like him. He gave me the impression as if each week he's wondering if he's pushing his constituents too hard with his messages. That's a whole lot of pressure I certainly wouldn't want to live under. Though it seems that is a somewhat normal aspect of every job, having that kind of relational dependency while attempting to maintain a level of spiritual integrity is tough.

It's been a long time since I felt that way, of course. When I was serving as an associate pastor, there were elements of that need to be liked that made the job difficult at times. Most of this was an internal struggle...a struggle that probably wasn't even real, just deeply maintained with a lot of assumptions about what others thought of me and whether such thoughts had the weight to pull the rug out from under me. I remember one tragic time, very early in my time as a pastor. My younger sister was killed in a car accident, and I went into a tailspin of emotional ambiguity trying to figure out how to maintain my "happy-go-lucky" attitude as I internally dealt with the pain of such a loss. Not a healthy way of dealing with a death in the family at all. As a result, I had a whole lot of emotional baggage I took with me to South Africa. Thank God NieuCommunities created the opportunities I needed to address such deep pain.

This may be just a personal observation, and if this doesn't include you, please don't try to fit the problem with your own situation. But if you serve in any kind of church or missions ministry and find yourself attempting to maintain a level of happiness or some other mask in order to ensure others see you in a way you believe they want to see you...don't do it! It's going to come back and beat you up later. I know for myself, I have SO many regrets for not allowing myself to grieve the loss of my sister. Such a mask prevented me from being me, and I'm still dealing with trying to make sense of how to live my life in a real, no mask needed, way of being.

I'll let that sit for now. If you've got thoughts to share, I'd love to hear 'em...and I'm sure other's would, as well.